It's the net, but it's not neutral

Friends, colleagues and hapless victims, today's post may be a tad esoteric, but stay with me because I'll be addressing one or two universal truths while, at the same time, coming up with some pretty amazing leaps of logic and thought pattern.



There's this new thing, you see, called "net neutrality." Net Neutrality is the notion that I, or you, or that ham sandwich over there should be able, if not enabled, to send anything we want over the internet at any time. I'm not talking about the content of your content. That's not what this is about; it's not a First Amendment thing. If it were, I'd be wrapped in that like a turkish bathrobe. No, this is about the size of things you send over the internet.



For example, if you're like most folks, your use of the internet is limited to e-mail, sending and receiving a photo or two, downloading a video or two from YouTube; stuff like that. There are, however, the pointy headed guys who send around full size copies of "Heaven's Gate" and the like. Giant files. Truly huge-ass down and uploads. Fortunately, they don't live next door to me.



For you see, your internet service provider's system is a little like the highway: the less traffic there is, the faster you can go. So when I'm doing my e-mail and photos I'm not taking up too much room so I, and those like me, can go pretty fast. But if you have one or two guys sending and receiving giant, steaming piles of movie or music or whatever, well they really gum things up.



To combat the gumming up part, internet service providers usually have a bandwidth management plan that says that any one user can't send and receive more than "X" amount of data at any one time. The Net Neutrality guys say that the internet is public and therefore they should be able to do, send and receive anything of any size at any time. Well, the internet is public, but most internet service providers, the guys who provide the wires and servers and all the stuff that enables us to get onto and off the internet are usually private. Government doesn't own 'em; private individuals and companies do and we all pay for the privilege of using their gear to help us find the best porn.



The Net Neutrality crowd, thwarted as they have been from time to time in hogging all the speed on some systems have now gone to the federal government. They say that (here's some really good logic, by the way) a) because the internet is public; and b) they're the public; and 3)they use the internet; 4) the private owners of the systems that get us to the internet should be forced to let them do whatever they want. They're asking the government to force private owners to abandon their efforts to protect the vast majority of internet users and allow the unfettered hogging of space by a few, well, hogs. And this, to them, amounts to a First Amendment issue.



Well, of course, it really isn't a First or any other Amendment issue, but the thinking is that if you wrap yourself in the Constitution or any of the amendments thereto you'll have a better chance of getting the government to give you a break over the next guy. This has nothing to do with content (much like my blog). This has to do with private enterprise and the ability to police your private stuff.



Now that we're buried deep in the bowels of this posting I will tell you, in the interest of full disclosure, that my employer, Cox Communications, is an internet service provider and I fully agree with their position on net neutrality which is to oppose it. But I would oppose it whether I worked for them or not. Net neutrality says that I can do whatever I want with your stuff that I'm using and you can't do anything about it. That's plainly wrong in this blogger's opinion.



Suppose I rent cars for a living. Suppose they're really nice cars; Chevy's or something. I have a rule that says that anyone renting my cars is not allowed to take them off-roading; got to keep them on the streets and highways. Net neutrality, in the world of auto rental, would say that I can't have that rule. Anyone who rents my cars is allowed to do anything they want to and even I, the owner, am not allowed to prevent it. That, I think, is kind of nutty.



From an owners' point of view, I would like to be able to make rules for the use of my private property. From the point of view of a reasonable user of that private property I like the idea that my provider is able to make rules that ensure that everyone gets fair use of the property; that it's not overused by some clown in a way that makes my usage less than it should be.



So I'd say, hey Mr. Government Man, just say "no" to Net Neutrality. Keep the internet safe and fast for those of us who will never do more than scratch the surface of it.